Failure...

Dear Doll-face,

Are you even keeping up? I told you to make a youtube video or I would die.. and strangely enough I have been COMPLETELY sick since I said that.  I blame you.

Today is the first morning all week that I've woken up and prayed not to fall into a coma so I didn't actually have to get up. Sadly this virus has now moved into my chest so now I am coughing.  Wonderful.  But at least I am not blowing my nose every 20 minutes, and I am surviving off medication which is an odd bonus to my existence right now. Your brother's been feeling pretty icky too..

Oh child, I didn't know when I started working on alterations at work, to make things more easy for my manger and customers, that I would end up NEEDING to hem at least 6 pairs of pants a day to keep up.  If I was working off their books I would be making a small fortune.  I am for sure not making as much as a legitimate seamstress makes.

Correction: I'm not.. evidently for people who charge by the hour, the going rate is a minimum of 10$ with well practiced people boasting about 20$.

I need to get paid more.

Anyway, I love you, and I am sad you didn't value my life enough to create a youtube video for me.. but am glad the fates decide to just make me sick instead of straight up killing me.

Miss you darling.

Pumpkin!

Hey Doll-Face,

Doesn't it look clean!?

I've been BUSY. Ryan the great came to visit this weekend so we had to clean your mom's room.  I so hated you Saturday. In your too lazy and pathetic to laundry phase you dug out a lot of clothes and left them around the floor so I did 3 extra loads of laundry to clean up your mess.  Stupid teenagers. You're lucky I love you.

Seriously... so much mess. Our garbage can is overflowing because Michael and I got rid of so much stuff that was ours that was just sitting in there.

I'm starting to get less depressed and lonely feeling. I started trying to reconnect with an old roomie. I forgot how much she grounded me when I was stressed out. It's nice to talk about stupid crap again and spend time with people besides your league obsessed brother.

This is his "I miss you" face,

Ryan misses you too. He wants you to hurry up and work on feeling better so you can come back and he can teach you to drive the stick shift.  You remember his sweet porsche. Also Ryan is a better driver than your brother.

Wednesday night I am going out for pizza with a friend from work. It should be interesting.

Oh child, I feel awful that I don't blog as often as I used to when I started, but sometimes when I don't have anything interesting to report I feel bad. Maybe I should just start listing all the things I eat in a day on those days?  Maybe???

I have a seasonal cold. It sucks balls.  Soo many balls. I miss you.  I made the boys breakfast Sunday morning and missed making you lunch breakfast on Sunday mornings...

Make me a youtube video or I'll die.

*I may or may not be on lots of cold medication right now*

Types Of Crazy

Dear Doll-face,

You may remember a time where I had a crazy roommate, and she was always getting into trouble.  Last night I found out she is in Intensive Care at the hospital because she took a lethal dose of Tylenol. I found out because my sister called, she didn't want me to hear it through the grape vine.

So I thought I'd take this moment to teach, and use it.

There are two types of certified crazy people in the world Dollie.  There are the people who know they are nuts, know they can't handle it alone, know they need help, and get it.  These are the people who actively take their meds, never miss therapy, and talk about their problems when it gets too overwhelming for them. These are the people who ask for help. These are the people who see the patterns in their behavior and understand that you can't do something the same every time and hope for a different outcome.  These are people like you, and me.. we know that it can and will get worse sometimes, but we know that with help, and work, it will eventually get better.

Then there are the others.  The people who are so lost in their own little worlds that it becomes like a stage.  It's like their life is a bad play, and no one wants to buy tickets anymore.  You see, they probably have a bad past, they come from a rough background littered with abuse.  Then they grow up, and the instances don't stop. They become victims because that's all they know how to be.  They are repeatedly offered help.  They get lots of therapy, lots of medication, but you can just see it in their eyes they don't take it seriously when they put themselves in dangerous situations again and again. They KNOW what will cause them to have a break down, and still, despite knowing better put themselves in situations where it's exceedingly possible for them to have one.  These are the people who are hurt, and they know it feels better when people are around and paying attention to them. They know it feels good to be surrounded by friends and family.. Sadly what they don't realize is that when the friends and family get tired of all the drama, and all of the self centered-ness they are going to walk away...

This is what has happened to this old roommate of mine. She doesn't want to get better.. not truly. She pines to be normal, and doesn't understand how to get there.  She knows that when she is sick, or in a risky situation people pay attention to her.  She knows the attention makes her feel better.  What she also knows is that when people start to ignore her she's got to do something big to get their attention again. This time she OD'd on pain killers and then started throwing out text messages about wanting to die.

I feel so sorry for her. I feel so sorry that in all the hours of therapy she has still missed the most basic of lessons.  But I also feel awful because I completely analyzed the entire situation, and deducted that this was a play for attention.

This girl is very smart, has a BA in biology and is diabetic.  If she wanted to die, and I mean REALLY wanted to die, she could have done it--easily.  People who are SERIOUSLY trying to die don't OD on medication and then start texting people.  She was crying out for attention and was WILLING to die for her cause.  People who really want to kill themselves and HAVE more lethal means *such as enough insulin to put themselves into a coma* use those more lethal means. They don't play around.

I am not saying she doesn't feel hopeless. I am not saying she doesn't feel like she wants to go away forever..

But her actions are as such that it doesn't really look like she wants to die.  She wants help/attention.

Doll-face,

There are two types of crazy people in the world.  Promise me you'll always be the first one.  Pull yourself up by your own boot straps.. get help when you know you're sinking too deep to help yourself.  Understand that the people around you want to support you getting better, not constantly watch you make a shit-show of yourself.  Get better, come home.  We miss you to pieces.

Why I Haven't Written Lately..

Dear Doll-face,

Meet Kain, he's just your average sim.

Okay, not that average... he also happens to be an inventor.

An inventor who has secrets.. but who doesn't?!

You can't judge him just because he's a little obsessed with Alchemy....

Oh, well and there is Bonehilda...

but she just cleans up around the house when he's busy... and trust me.. Kain gets pretty busy.

You see, a while back Kain got himself into some trouble.

But don't worry!

It's not fatal!

You see, what I neglected to mention was that Kain Nyne happens to moonlight as a werewolf.

Something seems to be bothering him though....

A Fairy!

Not just any fairy though... his best friend and roommate...

(Zombies always ruin everything...)

Meet Zephire Songbird...

She's a bit of a trickster...

But luckily for Kain she is mostly busy talking to the enchanted mirror...

With love,
Rebecca

Sooo Supernatural.

Dear Doll-face,

So Supernatural came out yesterday/today for the Sims 3. My second favorite sims let's player has already started her let's play of the newest expansion pack.  This is what I will be sitting and watching on youtube for a while. Be warned her let's play usually don't really get going until the second episode because she goes through all the create-a-sim content. I've had a HORRIBLE case of the PEPS *pre-expansion pack syndrome* which is why I put my legacy on pause.  Yesterday was the first day I'd played in a long time and I only played because I was inspired by Andrew Arcade. *my favorite let's player* If you ever miss the sims too much I highly recommend watching his sims let's plays because he's so hilarious. I wish I had a better graphics card so I could get BOTH supernatural and seasons, but I'm just going to have to hold out for seasons in November.  I figure with seasons I'll get more bang for my buck by doubling game play by adding seasons, where as super natural I'm just getting the world of magic which would only add to SOME sims scenarios. *Note how I minimize how much I love magic in the sims so I don't try and get both despite knowing better*

So I COMPLETELY blew this weekend. I stayed in my pajamas ALL weekend.  I did NOTHING.  Sunday Michael and I watched the North American Regional's for League.  Monday we just sat around.  It felt good to do nothing.  I'm sad that it ends today when I go back to work.  I'm actually procrastinating hopping in the shower and getting ready for work.

So I am playing that first mega episode of Quxxns let's play in the background... which is all the create-a-sim stuff... I just flipped over to glance at what she was raving about and got insta-mad about how cute her sim looked in the new custom content.

I think I drown out my loneliness and lack of female friends with sims.  I'm probably going to start marathoning on it.. so if I were you I wouldn't be surprised if I started posting pictures of my master thief I created yesterday.

Last quick thing, Michael left his slippers at my mom's house a while ago, and she just sent this picture to me. The caption was "MINE!" but it looks more like "I miss you!" It makes me miss my puppy.  Miss you darling.  Don't forget it's completely legitimate to Skype us, even if you just wanna play a game and have us in the background to babble at.. and just because I'm not "online" doesn't mean I'm not sometimes just invisible.  I love you!

House Keeping.

Dear Doll-face,

We have let the house get behind... way behind.  We got a ton of crap from my grandparents apartment, and in between that Mike has been bringing things that I assume were once Derrick and Amber's.. to say the least the house is a mess. Not to mention now I really am working close to 40 hours a week, which doesn't leave much time for being well rested and cleaning up. Also now your big brother is working and going to school so I've got to start pulling more weight in keeping the house up.

You can't really tell, but I have TOTALLY made progress.

So today on my day off I am playing catch up.  I plan to get the downstairs done today.  The upstairs actually isn't so bad except for the piles of laundry.. I might give in and just haul it all to the laundromat just to catch up.  Your brother got behind when I stopped working Sundays and stopped being able to do them then.  Mike made the front room (formally your cave of disaster) into his own cave of disaster while we were gone for an extended weekend.. so I am picking up some of that also.  Granted the entire mess isn't his, but it's still frustrating because the video game mess IS his. He is the one who has been down playing and watching Netflix in his free time.

So they don't know it yet, but they both have to deal with their respective hobby messes when they get back to the house tonight.  I'm not really asking them to do anything else so it's the least they can do.

Right now I am taking a breather while the dish washer runs. I just went through the fridge and cleaned out some stuff. I have been vacuuming the floor between passes of garbage bags and anytime I get another section picked up.  So far I have dumped the canister 4 times.. there is so much Bella hair.. if you don't run the floor every couple of days the hair starts to pile, and I know Michael has been pushing it off because the last few times he's done it he's always almost accidentally broke the cleaner.  Poor dude.

I'm just relieved because for the mos part I have all the garbage picked up and all the dishes sequestered to the kitchen, I've just got to start putting things away.  Easier said than done, right?

Alright, I think I have taken a good break by writing to you. I'm going to get back into the thick of things.  Your brother will be home in about an hour and a half and I want him to really be able to notice that I've got things done.  Take care of yourself!

16 Huh?

Hey Doll-face,

I bet you think you're big tits now since today's your 16th birthday. Well I've got some news for you, 16 is probably the most awkward age there is.

I mean sure, is has its bonuses. There is nothing like your first big love at 16. Sure, you may have had a fling before but there's something magical about being sixteen that makes you feel like it might last forever.  You also go through that amazing phase of feeling like you have achieved greatness, you're untouchable and that you have the power to own the world.  It's tempting to feel like you're actually finally free.  This feeling will only become more intoxicating once you actually get behind the wheel of a car alone for the first time, and realize no one can actually stop you once you put it into gear.


Alas, these are the things that your imagination will treat you to.. sure some of it may be real, but let's be honest 16 is just a hyped up age where your hormones are raging which means that EVERYTHING feels more dramatic. (If you ever need an example of drama just ask your dear old sister-in-law about her circle of friends when she was 16, she's got some stories that are full of teens hopped up on drama educing hormones.) But in case you were wondering, here's a list of the things that you can NOW magically do, just because you made it to today:

• Get married or register a civil partnership with consent (Good thing, right? You can't let yourself become an old maid by 18..)
• Drive a moped or invalid carriage (sweet, you should get a vespa)
• You can consent to sexual activity with others aged 16 and over (Just don't tell us about it until you're married.. we will always pretend you are as innocent as a lamb)
• Drink wine/beer with a meal if accompanied by someone over 18 (Not that we've ever stopped you, Huzzah!)
• Get a National Insurance number (wooo! someone to pay for my mistakes while I pay them just in case I accidentally make one)
• Join a trade union (because 'MERICA!)
• Work full-time if you have left school (Why would you want to work? There is internet...)
• Be paid national minimum wage for 16/17 year olds (WOO! Money, not as much as the rest of the population, but still.. WOO money!)
• Join the Armed Forces with parental consent (In case you decide that neither hugs or drugs are your slated path in life..)
• Change name by deed poll (now you can legally change your name to be Doll-Face, because that's what the cool kids are doing)
• Leave home with parental consent (In the sense that you can move out.. not just walk out angrily for a while..)
• Consent to medical treatment (They can not longer FORCE you to take shots, YAY)
• Buy premium bonds (Because you have a use for those, ya know..)
• Pilot a glider (You weren't afraid of heights, were you?)
• Buy a lottery ticket (Too bad you can't claim the winnings until you're 18..)
• Register as a blood donor, but you won't be called to give blood until you're 17 (At least you'll be on the list!)
• Apply for a passport without parental consent (Why would anyone do this?? I don't even understand?? :P)

Intense, huh?  It's okay because the list will only continue to get longer as you get older.

Just do us all a favor and don't be too eager to embrace the miniature adult within.  We like our teenage Doll-face and aren't necessarily ready to let go of her yet.

Happy Birthday! Congratulations on this mega milestone that we celebrate because society arbitrarily decided that 16 was a good age to let you operate a motor vehicle. We love you so much.  (We also are so sad that we didn't get to actually speak to you on your birthday, trust me.. we're miserable.)


P.S. You can also count on me not to get into a car with you behind the wheel until you're 30.. because your mum and brother will probably teach you, and their driving scares me.