Monday, December 24, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
Overnight.
Dear Doll-face,
Last night I got snowed into work. So I did my overnight then.... I have now been awake for 24 hours... I spent from 3pm until 9am working.
The joys of working in health care....
The individuals made stir fry for dinner though... so at least we were well fed.
I am finally showered and fed so I'm going to sleep now.
Last night I got snowed into work. So I did my overnight then.... I have now been awake for 24 hours... I spent from 3pm until 9am working.
The joys of working in health care....
The individuals made stir fry for dinner though... so at least we were well fed.
I am finally showered and fed so I'm going to sleep now.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
PAY DAY!
Dear Doll-face,
I haven't received a pay check since November 7th, until today. I am so excited! I am super crazy excited. It's only half of what I used to get, but that's because it was for just one week. I also know that once I actually get off pre-service my pay checks will get lower again, until I either transfer to a full time position in another house, or unless I fill in at other homes. Either way, I can finish buying a couple Christmas gifts, and save the rest to pay for the up coming bills since all of our roommates are moving out in a couple of weeks.
Anyway, I work a late night tonight, until 9 pm, then I go back in for another classroom day tomorrow at 9 am. Friday night is my big over night, so Thursday I work from 3 to 9 again... I'll have to stay up late Thursday, and sleep in Friday.. this worries me I have been waking up at 7:20 am like clock work. But I'll need the extra Z's to make it through Friday, and then have to reset Saturday pretty quick for the Holiday.
It's not feeling much like Christmas around here, I'm hoping tomorrow night and on I can sort of force myself into some holiday happy. I've got some things I need to accomplish before the big day, so I really need to get a move on.
I'm also sort of hoping Michael and I get gifted enough Christmas cash to be able to visit Ryan for new years, if that's still a thing we are doing. We'll see I guess. I've been combing through photos and memories of this year and trying to put together a decent resolution for that as well. Last year I told myself I would take this year one day at a time, and I think I need to keep trying on that one. I still worry about things too much, and I put a lot of pressure on things I can't control... so I will have to carry it over. I'm also thinking of making myself a "Happy Thoughts" jar. The idea is that once a day you write down something GOOD that happened, and you put it in the jar with the date. As the year goes on it gets fuller, and eventually you'll have a jar of good memories and events.
Maybe you should make one of these too. I think it'd be a good idea. Write down one thing everyday... even it's as simple as "took a hot shower" or "ate my favorite food." I'll make mine and post it for you to see once it's ready. I think it'd be good for both of us to remember to cherish the little things, especially when things are rough.
Anyway, I need to grab myself a sandwich and run out the door, I've got classroom at 1pm. Hopefully we get out of there on time and I can get to my house by 3 like we are supposed to.
Take care of yourself, miss you!
I haven't received a pay check since November 7th, until today. I am so excited! I am super crazy excited. It's only half of what I used to get, but that's because it was for just one week. I also know that once I actually get off pre-service my pay checks will get lower again, until I either transfer to a full time position in another house, or unless I fill in at other homes. Either way, I can finish buying a couple Christmas gifts, and save the rest to pay for the up coming bills since all of our roommates are moving out in a couple of weeks.
Anyway, I work a late night tonight, until 9 pm, then I go back in for another classroom day tomorrow at 9 am. Friday night is my big over night, so Thursday I work from 3 to 9 again... I'll have to stay up late Thursday, and sleep in Friday.. this worries me I have been waking up at 7:20 am like clock work. But I'll need the extra Z's to make it through Friday, and then have to reset Saturday pretty quick for the Holiday.
It's not feeling much like Christmas around here, I'm hoping tomorrow night and on I can sort of force myself into some holiday happy. I've got some things I need to accomplish before the big day, so I really need to get a move on.
I'm also sort of hoping Michael and I get gifted enough Christmas cash to be able to visit Ryan for new years, if that's still a thing we are doing. We'll see I guess. I've been combing through photos and memories of this year and trying to put together a decent resolution for that as well. Last year I told myself I would take this year one day at a time, and I think I need to keep trying on that one. I still worry about things too much, and I put a lot of pressure on things I can't control... so I will have to carry it over. I'm also thinking of making myself a "Happy Thoughts" jar. The idea is that once a day you write down something GOOD that happened, and you put it in the jar with the date. As the year goes on it gets fuller, and eventually you'll have a jar of good memories and events.
Maybe you should make one of these too. I think it'd be a good idea. Write down one thing everyday... even it's as simple as "took a hot shower" or "ate my favorite food." I'll make mine and post it for you to see once it's ready. I think it'd be good for both of us to remember to cherish the little things, especially when things are rough.
Anyway, I need to grab myself a sandwich and run out the door, I've got classroom at 1pm. Hopefully we get out of there on time and I can get to my house by 3 like we are supposed to.
Take care of yourself, miss you!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Lack of Control
Dear Doll-face,
There are a lot of things in life that we can't control.. and it sucks.
Sometimes, often times we have to live our lives according to decisions others have made for us. I, for one, know how much it blows to have to give up control of yourself, or your things because someone else needs them or had made a decision for you, that you didn't agree to.
Nothing sucks more than signing a contract and finding out that they didn't tell you to read the back of it before signing it.
In 2006 I had just graduated high school, and was preparing to leave for KSU for college. I was elated. I was so excited. It was all planned out. I was going to move into my aunt's house in August and then stay with them for all minor breaks and extended weekends, only traveling all the way back home for major holidays. Upon finishing my first semester we were going to re list my address on file at the school as my aunt and uncle's so I could be considered an in state student and receive instate fees for my sophomore year and onward. I LOVED the program I was coming into. I LOVED the campus. I even really got along with the roommate I was assigned to room with in the Strong Complex, in Boyd hall. Visiting campus was like visiting HOME. I felt like I belonged there, and every time I visited I made a friend.
My parents never set up terms for my college attendence in their divorce settlement, so they went back to court when it came to light for my father that I was going to attend school out of state. Although he and I had an extremely limited relationship, he decided if I left the state for school he'd never see me again(also he openly complained to people that he didn't have the money to pay for out of state tuition...probably because my father has poor spending habits and liked to take vacations on cruise ships...) The court decided it was a reasonable restriction that for him to have to pay for a third of my education *which is a standard agreement in divorces... the mother pays a third, the father pays a third, and the student pays a third* I should have to attend a state school within our state. They decided this in July of 2006.
Let's talk about devastation.
Let's talk about how you spend time preparing all of these goodbyes to friends, boyfriends, and family.. and then you suddenly find out that you're not going anywhere. I didn't go to college where I did because I wanted to, I went because it was the only place I could get to admit me in the 11th hour before the semester started that wasn't the local community college.
And bitch please, I was not going to go to the community college that was only 5 minutes away from my dad's house. I was going to drive as far away as I could from him.
I can't regret the decision to go to college here now, because to regret that would be to regret marrying your brother, and having you as my sister-in-law. But I will always wonder if some of the struggles I face now, would even exist if it weren't for his selfishness and immaturity.
I know you feel the same way right now. You're looking at your parents with anger and frustration. You're mad because these aren't decisions you would make for yourself. Trust me, I'm looking at them that way too. We're a family, and that means for better or worse, we are stuck together. We are ALL at the mercy of the decisions that ALL of us make. I'm 24 years old, and married and I do not get to determine how I spend my money or where I live. These are things normal people my age have control over. You bet your butt I sometimes want to put my head through a wall and scream and shout and send angry emails. But I also realize that this anger and frustration isn't constructive, and besides occasionally venting to my mother or your brother pointing it at anyone else is only going to make things harder, or cause more hurt feelings.
There is ONE thing I have control over in all of this. In ALL of our crazy and stressful life situations we all have ONE thing in common, one thing that each of us can control.
We can control how WE react, treat each other, and behave. You can be as furious and angry and sad and frustrated as you want, but it's not productive to scream and yell at whomever you are blaming or upset with. (I am NOT saying your emotions are NOT valid. You have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you feel, no matter how you feel at any point in time.) The ways we treat each other and the ways we act around each other are going to directly influence how we make it through rough situations. If you treat someone like heck and are mad at them all the time, you are only creating a MORE unpleasant environment for yourself. (Even if you feel like they deserve to know that you are mad at them) Believe it or not, NOT saying anything because you CAN'T say anything nice is a really great motto to live by. Just be polite, and do your best to not put yourself in a conversation that upsets you. If someone strikes a nerve let it roll off your back, don't bite down and fight them. Be BIGGER than your emotions.
It's hard advice to hear, and it's even harder advice to take. Some days it's all I can do to follow it.
But I know the closer I follow it, the better off everything will be.
Everything is temporary, and life is to short to fight with everyone around you.
Remember you have your brother and I's love and support ALWAYS and that we think of you a million times a day. Remember that we are ALL in this together, and that we WILL escape eventually. Remember that although the life choices that get made for you may feel like a burden, they may eventually become something that makes you who you are as you grow in life.
There is always sunshine after a rainstorm. It will always get better, if you wait through the worst of it.
Take care of yourself, remember that you get what you give.
There are a lot of things in life that we can't control.. and it sucks.
Sometimes, often times we have to live our lives according to decisions others have made for us. I, for one, know how much it blows to have to give up control of yourself, or your things because someone else needs them or had made a decision for you, that you didn't agree to.
Nothing sucks more than signing a contract and finding out that they didn't tell you to read the back of it before signing it.
In 2006 I had just graduated high school, and was preparing to leave for KSU for college. I was elated. I was so excited. It was all planned out. I was going to move into my aunt's house in August and then stay with them for all minor breaks and extended weekends, only traveling all the way back home for major holidays. Upon finishing my first semester we were going to re list my address on file at the school as my aunt and uncle's so I could be considered an in state student and receive instate fees for my sophomore year and onward. I LOVED the program I was coming into. I LOVED the campus. I even really got along with the roommate I was assigned to room with in the Strong Complex, in Boyd hall. Visiting campus was like visiting HOME. I felt like I belonged there, and every time I visited I made a friend.
My parents never set up terms for my college attendence in their divorce settlement, so they went back to court when it came to light for my father that I was going to attend school out of state. Although he and I had an extremely limited relationship, he decided if I left the state for school he'd never see me again(also he openly complained to people that he didn't have the money to pay for out of state tuition...probably because my father has poor spending habits and liked to take vacations on cruise ships...) The court decided it was a reasonable restriction that for him to have to pay for a third of my education *which is a standard agreement in divorces... the mother pays a third, the father pays a third, and the student pays a third* I should have to attend a state school within our state. They decided this in July of 2006.
Let's talk about devastation.
Let's talk about how you spend time preparing all of these goodbyes to friends, boyfriends, and family.. and then you suddenly find out that you're not going anywhere. I didn't go to college where I did because I wanted to, I went because it was the only place I could get to admit me in the 11th hour before the semester started that wasn't the local community college.
And bitch please, I was not going to go to the community college that was only 5 minutes away from my dad's house. I was going to drive as far away as I could from him.
I can't regret the decision to go to college here now, because to regret that would be to regret marrying your brother, and having you as my sister-in-law. But I will always wonder if some of the struggles I face now, would even exist if it weren't for his selfishness and immaturity.
I know you feel the same way right now. You're looking at your parents with anger and frustration. You're mad because these aren't decisions you would make for yourself. Trust me, I'm looking at them that way too. We're a family, and that means for better or worse, we are stuck together. We are ALL at the mercy of the decisions that ALL of us make. I'm 24 years old, and married and I do not get to determine how I spend my money or where I live. These are things normal people my age have control over. You bet your butt I sometimes want to put my head through a wall and scream and shout and send angry emails. But I also realize that this anger and frustration isn't constructive, and besides occasionally venting to my mother or your brother pointing it at anyone else is only going to make things harder, or cause more hurt feelings.
There is ONE thing I have control over in all of this. In ALL of our crazy and stressful life situations we all have ONE thing in common, one thing that each of us can control.
We can control how WE react, treat each other, and behave. You can be as furious and angry and sad and frustrated as you want, but it's not productive to scream and yell at whomever you are blaming or upset with. (I am NOT saying your emotions are NOT valid. You have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you feel, no matter how you feel at any point in time.) The ways we treat each other and the ways we act around each other are going to directly influence how we make it through rough situations. If you treat someone like heck and are mad at them all the time, you are only creating a MORE unpleasant environment for yourself. (Even if you feel like they deserve to know that you are mad at them) Believe it or not, NOT saying anything because you CAN'T say anything nice is a really great motto to live by. Just be polite, and do your best to not put yourself in a conversation that upsets you. If someone strikes a nerve let it roll off your back, don't bite down and fight them. Be BIGGER than your emotions.
It's hard advice to hear, and it's even harder advice to take. Some days it's all I can do to follow it.
But I know the closer I follow it, the better off everything will be.
Everything is temporary, and life is to short to fight with everyone around you.
Remember you have your brother and I's love and support ALWAYS and that we think of you a million times a day. Remember that we are ALL in this together, and that we WILL escape eventually. Remember that although the life choices that get made for you may feel like a burden, they may eventually become something that makes you who you are as you grow in life.
There is always sunshine after a rainstorm. It will always get better, if you wait through the worst of it.
Take care of yourself, remember that you get what you give.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Busy Busy Busy
Hey Doll-face,
So right now I'm in pre-service, which is what they call the training period of my job. I spend about half of my day in a class room, and the second half in a home working with people. It's intense. I mean, it's like going back to when I had to go to school and work every day kind of intense. We're talking 8 to 9 hours a day of learning and working... and it's hard stuff.
Only this time, what I'm learning in school actually applies.
I've only got a few minutes to spare here, but right now I'm all bundled up because today we are going to be outside and learning about vehicle maintenance this morning. There's frost on the ground still. I've got to be at location at 9 this morning.
I'm not going to lie it's nice just to have something to do every day again.
Anyway, yesterday I did my first shower with an individual this was the thing I was dreading most, because I am so shy about these sorts of things. It was fine. The person I was with happened to love cats, so I told her about our cats to try and keep distracted and ease tension. Now I'm more worried about my over night shift next Friday, because there is a resident who uses a feeding tube, and we'll have to administer it.
I think my biggest challenge so far is getting used to the people first language. It's easy when the individual is right there in front of you, more tricky when you are trying to ask questions about them and can't remember their names. For some people, it's easy. For other's, it's harder. One person likes to ask me my name a million times a night, and she knows it by now, and then introduces herself as a different person every time to be funny. She's so sweet though, so it's hard to be annoyed at her.
Thursday we are going to the location where they run the day program. This is where a lot of people do activities to earn money. I'm excited about seeing what goes on there, because right now it sounds so vague when my people talk about it.
Everyday gets easier, and now I'm not as tired when I get home as I used to be. Last night I was super tired, but I was really hands on last night, and I bounced around a lot to try and learn as much as I could and ask as many questions as I could.
I really miss you, and I can't wait to get through this pre service training so I can have a life again and be able to hopefully talk to you. But for now I need to hit the road and get across town. Take care, love you!
So right now I'm in pre-service, which is what they call the training period of my job. I spend about half of my day in a class room, and the second half in a home working with people. It's intense. I mean, it's like going back to when I had to go to school and work every day kind of intense. We're talking 8 to 9 hours a day of learning and working... and it's hard stuff.
Only this time, what I'm learning in school actually applies.
I've only got a few minutes to spare here, but right now I'm all bundled up because today we are going to be outside and learning about vehicle maintenance this morning. There's frost on the ground still. I've got to be at location at 9 this morning.
I'm not going to lie it's nice just to have something to do every day again.
Anyway, yesterday I did my first shower with an individual this was the thing I was dreading most, because I am so shy about these sorts of things. It was fine. The person I was with happened to love cats, so I told her about our cats to try and keep distracted and ease tension. Now I'm more worried about my over night shift next Friday, because there is a resident who uses a feeding tube, and we'll have to administer it.
I think my biggest challenge so far is getting used to the people first language. It's easy when the individual is right there in front of you, more tricky when you are trying to ask questions about them and can't remember their names. For some people, it's easy. For other's, it's harder. One person likes to ask me my name a million times a night, and she knows it by now, and then introduces herself as a different person every time to be funny. She's so sweet though, so it's hard to be annoyed at her.
Thursday we are going to the location where they run the day program. This is where a lot of people do activities to earn money. I'm excited about seeing what goes on there, because right now it sounds so vague when my people talk about it.
Everyday gets easier, and now I'm not as tired when I get home as I used to be. Last night I was super tired, but I was really hands on last night, and I bounced around a lot to try and learn as much as I could and ask as many questions as I could.
I really miss you, and I can't wait to get through this pre service training so I can have a life again and be able to hopefully talk to you. But for now I need to hit the road and get across town. Take care, love you!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Employment, the movie?
Dear Doll-face,
This has to be quick because I actually need to leave for work soon, but I realized I didn't update you Monday night because there wasn't too terribly much to say at that point.. and I didn't update you yesterday because I was asleep by 7pm. Hahaha.. I'm so tired.
You see, for the next two weeks most of my training will be sitting in a classroom and getting lessons on Negligence, Maltreatment, HIPPA, and other policies. This means I sit in a room for 6 to 8 hours straight. It's completely enthralling. Totally.
I am excited about today, despite knowing that today I have a 4 hour lesson on HIPAA... because TODAY I go to the house I'll be working in and meet the residents that live there for the first time. Because I know things about the health care industry, I don't have to sit and listen to the HIPAA speech to know that I will NEVER be able to tell you which home I work in. I will also NEVER be able to tell you my clients names. So if I ever get to the point where I am talking about them, they will all have nick names, and there will never be specifics about their illnesses or troubles here. Sorry. It's a truth. But I am excited to meet them, and nervous as all get out.
There are actually 12 people in my orientation training group, and only one of them is being targeted for the same home as I am. She doesn't seem so friendly, so I'm not really sure if that means we're going to be the kind of people that carpool or not yet. But since we are only driving to a local house, and not a home in a neighboring town, I think we'll be okay either way. I've even started to make friends. It's weird, I know.
I think everything is going to start getting better now.. I really do.
I love you and miss you!! And with any luck my TB test will come back clear this morning I will still have this job tomorrow!
This has to be quick because I actually need to leave for work soon, but I realized I didn't update you Monday night because there wasn't too terribly much to say at that point.. and I didn't update you yesterday because I was asleep by 7pm. Hahaha.. I'm so tired.
You see, for the next two weeks most of my training will be sitting in a classroom and getting lessons on Negligence, Maltreatment, HIPPA, and other policies. This means I sit in a room for 6 to 8 hours straight. It's completely enthralling. Totally.
I am excited about today, despite knowing that today I have a 4 hour lesson on HIPAA... because TODAY I go to the house I'll be working in and meet the residents that live there for the first time. Because I know things about the health care industry, I don't have to sit and listen to the HIPAA speech to know that I will NEVER be able to tell you which home I work in. I will also NEVER be able to tell you my clients names. So if I ever get to the point where I am talking about them, they will all have nick names, and there will never be specifics about their illnesses or troubles here. Sorry. It's a truth. But I am excited to meet them, and nervous as all get out.
There are actually 12 people in my orientation training group, and only one of them is being targeted for the same home as I am. She doesn't seem so friendly, so I'm not really sure if that means we're going to be the kind of people that carpool or not yet. But since we are only driving to a local house, and not a home in a neighboring town, I think we'll be okay either way. I've even started to make friends. It's weird, I know.
I think everything is going to start getting better now.. I really do.
I love you and miss you!! And with any luck my TB test will come back clear this morning I will still have this job tomorrow!
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