Types Of Crazy

Dear Doll-face,

You may remember a time where I had a crazy roommate, and she was always getting into trouble.  Last night I found out she is in Intensive Care at the hospital because she took a lethal dose of Tylenol. I found out because my sister called, she didn't want me to hear it through the grape vine.

So I thought I'd take this moment to teach, and use it.

There are two types of certified crazy people in the world Dollie.  There are the people who know they are nuts, know they can't handle it alone, know they need help, and get it.  These are the people who actively take their meds, never miss therapy, and talk about their problems when it gets too overwhelming for them. These are the people who ask for help. These are the people who see the patterns in their behavior and understand that you can't do something the same every time and hope for a different outcome.  These are people like you, and me.. we know that it can and will get worse sometimes, but we know that with help, and work, it will eventually get better.

Then there are the others.  The people who are so lost in their own little worlds that it becomes like a stage.  It's like their life is a bad play, and no one wants to buy tickets anymore.  You see, they probably have a bad past, they come from a rough background littered with abuse.  Then they grow up, and the instances don't stop. They become victims because that's all they know how to be.  They are repeatedly offered help.  They get lots of therapy, lots of medication, but you can just see it in their eyes they don't take it seriously when they put themselves in dangerous situations again and again. They KNOW what will cause them to have a break down, and still, despite knowing better put themselves in situations where it's exceedingly possible for them to have one.  These are the people who are hurt, and they know it feels better when people are around and paying attention to them. They know it feels good to be surrounded by friends and family.. Sadly what they don't realize is that when the friends and family get tired of all the drama, and all of the self centered-ness they are going to walk away...

This is what has happened to this old roommate of mine. She doesn't want to get better.. not truly. She pines to be normal, and doesn't understand how to get there.  She knows that when she is sick, or in a risky situation people pay attention to her.  She knows the attention makes her feel better.  What she also knows is that when people start to ignore her she's got to do something big to get their attention again. This time she OD'd on pain killers and then started throwing out text messages about wanting to die.

I feel so sorry for her. I feel so sorry that in all the hours of therapy she has still missed the most basic of lessons.  But I also feel awful because I completely analyzed the entire situation, and deducted that this was a play for attention.

This girl is very smart, has a BA in biology and is diabetic.  If she wanted to die, and I mean REALLY wanted to die, she could have done it--easily.  People who are SERIOUSLY trying to die don't OD on medication and then start texting people.  She was crying out for attention and was WILLING to die for her cause.  People who really want to kill themselves and HAVE more lethal means *such as enough insulin to put themselves into a coma* use those more lethal means. They don't play around.

I am not saying she doesn't feel hopeless. I am not saying she doesn't feel like she wants to go away forever..

But her actions are as such that it doesn't really look like she wants to die.  She wants help/attention.

Doll-face,

There are two types of crazy people in the world.  Promise me you'll always be the first one.  Pull yourself up by your own boot straps.. get help when you know you're sinking too deep to help yourself.  Understand that the people around you want to support you getting better, not constantly watch you make a shit-show of yourself.  Get better, come home.  We miss you to pieces.